Now that SMRT is contributing to the massive efforts to make Singapore appear to be a fun place without actually being fun by playing live music and encouraging unusual announcements (that will be safe to make as long as train breakdowns are not linked in any way to inept governance), it’s time to constructively suggest more creative announcements:
1. Thank you for boarding the train—even though you could have chosen not to, like the 200 people doing their best impersonations of Grumpy Cat outside.
2. You might be wondering why the doors are not closing even though the train has loaded 120% of its passenger capacity. I’m afraid only the driver of the next train would know. You may be pleased to know that we are getting really close to him though.
3. If you see any suspicious-looking person or article, please call 999 but don’t inform the driver. There isn’t any. This is a driverless line, remember? And I’m just a pre-recorded voice.
4. I am sorry if the train is seems to be moving more slowly these days. But cheaper, better, faster come as a package. And are your fares getting any cheaper?
5. Passengers who have been listening to my announcements may be wondering why my command of English is better than any Channel 5 actor’s. Well, don’t worry. My company did not pay $26, 000 for my English course even though my CEO is once from the military.