What If Godzilla Came to Singapore?

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“What The Straits Crimes would be reporting If Godzilla Came to Singapore:

1. Godzilla Blinded by Camera Flash
Thanks to 6.9 million people trying to Instagram it

2. Godzilla Given Honorary Citizenship
Singapore belongs to Godzilla too

3. Godzilla Quadruple-Facepalm Spotted
After screening of STB and YPAP videos

4. Godzilla Ordered to Co-regulate Itself
“If you step into the wrong places (and we are not telling you where), we will shoot you,” warns the government

5. Massive Earthquake in S’pore
After Godzilla attempts Tin Peiling impersonation

6. Godzilla to be Exhibited by S’pore Zoo
Visitors are invited to play with Godzilla poo

7. Godzilla Attempts to Split Esplanade
Thinks it’s a delicious durian

8. Godzilla Used to Avoid ERP
Drivers pay Godzilla to lift their cars over ERP gantries; govt may charge Godzilla

9. Godzilla Avoids Parliament
Thinks that it is infested with little white termites (somewhat true)

10. Godzilla Joins Megachurch
The only one big enough to accommodate it

11. Religious Fanatics Demand Godzilla to Change Name
Claim that it shouldn’t call itself “God”

12. ST Forum Publishes Banal Letters
Some believe that Godzilla will threaten Singapore’s social fabric; others argue that it will contribute to diversity

13. PM Lee on how to Ward off Godzilla
“Put up chilies and onions, and you can fix it in no time”

14. Godzilla Found Dead after Rampage Near Oxley Road ☹
Blood mysteriously drained out of body; two holes on neck”

-Molly Meek

Inspired by: http://fakemalaysianews.com/2014/05/14/14-things-that-would-happen-if-godzilla-attacked-kl/

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